I’ll admit it: when we booked our first in 2016, the thing I was most nervous about wasn’t sea sickness or the size of the cabin shower. It was the Main Dining Room (MDR) and the cruise dining room etiquette.
I had this cinematic, Titanic-esque vision in my head. I pictured a very formal scene: a Maître D’ inspecting my clothing, a baffling array of six different forks, and an entire room of people silently condemning our lack of tuxedos.
My wife felt it, too. As we were packing, she kept holding up dresses and asking, “Is this ‘Smart Casual’ or just casual? Will they turn me away?” The anxiety of “doing it wrong” was threatening to overshadow the excitement of the trip.
But after spending a week dining at sea, I can tell you this: the Main Dining Room is the highlight of the cruise, not a test you have to pass. We researched the rules, tested the waters, and figured out the rhythm. Here is what we learned about dining etiquette, so you can walk in with confidence and focus on what matters, the food.
The Dress Code Reality Check (It’s Not That Deep)
Before we left, I spent hours scouring cruise forums (the research phase of my brain never sleeps) trying to decipher the dress code. The website said “Cruise Casual” for some nights and “Elegant” for others.
In practice? It’s much more relaxed than the brochures suggest.
On the first night, we walked up to the podium. I was wearing a polo and khakis; my wife had on a simple floral sundress. We looked nice, but we certainly weren’t ready for a gala. As we were seated, we looked around. To our left was a family in t-shirts. To our right, an older couple in full evening wear.
The Lesson: The “Strict” dress code is mostly a myth, with a few exceptions.
- Don’t: Wear swimwear, wet clothes, or sleeveless shirts (for men) to dinner. That’s a hard “no.”
- Do: Aim for what I call “Nice Dinner Date” attire.
Seeing my wife relax once she realized she wasn’t underdressed was a relief. She looked beautiful, and frankly, the golden lighting in the dining room is incredibly photogenic. We took some of our best photos of the trip right there at the table.
The “Assigned Seating” Anxiety
This was the big one. The idea of being forced to sit with strangers and make small talk for two hours every night terrified us. We love meeting people, but dinner is our time.
I learned that you have two main options: Traditional Dining (same time, same table, same waiters) or Your Time Dining (eat whenever, like a restaurant). We chose “Your Time” to maximize flexibility.
The Hack: Even with “Your Time” dining, you can request consistency. On embarkation day, right after we boarded, I went straight to the dining room to speak with the Head Waiter. I politely asked, “Is it possible to get a table for two by a window for the duration of the cruise?”
He tapped on his tablet, smiled, and said, “I can make that happen.” Oh, and you have the option to share a table with others or have a table just for the people in your party.
Every night, we walked in and were led to a quiet table for two near the window. It gave us the privacy to reconnect, recount our day in port, and watch the ocean go by without the pressure of entertaining tablemates. If you want romance, ask for it early.
Mastering the Menu (The “Two Appetizer” Rule)
This is where the fun begins.
On the second night, my wife was torn. She stared at the menu, agonizing between the French Onion Soup and the Shrimp Cocktail. She looked at me and whispered, “I think I’ll just get the soup.”
Our waiter, a fantastic guy named Romeo who had quickly learned our names, overheard her. He laughed and said, “Madam, you are on vacation. Get both. I’ll bring the escargot, too. You must try it.”
Her eyes lit up. It was like seeing her inner child come out. The permission to indulge without worrying about the bill.
Etiquette Tip: It is perfectly acceptable to order two (or more) appetizers, or two desserts, or even two entrees if you can’t decide. The portions are generally smaller than American restaurants, specifically to allow for multiple courses.
However, the etiquette here is about waste. Don’t order three entrees just to take one bite of each. But if you are genuinely torn? Order both. The staff actually enjoys seeing you eat well.
Interacting with the Wait Staff
The servers on cruise ships work harder than almost anyone I’ve ever met. They work seven days a week, for months on end.
The best etiquette tip I can give you is to treat them like humans, not servants. On the first night, we asked Romeo where he was from (the Philippines) and about his family. By night three, he knew exactly how my wife liked her tea and that I wanted extra lemon with my water.
Because we established that rapport, the service went from “good” to “exceptional.”
The Patience Factor: There will be nights, usually the “Elegant Night”, where the kitchen gets slammed. Dinner might take two hours instead of 90 minutes.
- Bad Etiquette: Getting huffy, checking your watch, or snapping at the waiter. They cannot make the steak cook faster.
- Good Etiquette: Enjoy the wine, enjoy the conversation, and relax. You’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean. Where else do you have to be?
The Unspoken Rules (That Actually Matter)
While the dress code is flexible, there are a few unspoken rules that seasoned cruisers follow to keep the machine running smoothly:
- Dress Appropriate: This means cruise casual on most nights (no hats, sleeveless shirts or tank tops, bathing suits, or pajamas). On formal nights, the dress code is stricter (all of the above are out, plus no shorts, flip flops, or t-shirts). Formal attire does not necessarily mean suits and dresses; slacks and a nice collared shirt or a blouse are perfectly acceptable.
- Don’t Waste Food: Just because you can order multiple appetizers, main dishes, and desserts doesn’t mean it is an invitation to waste food. Order as much as you like, but eat what you order, or at least most of it.
- Be on Time (Traditional Dining): If you have the 6:00 PM seating, do not show up at 6:30 PM. It throws off the waiter’s entire rhythm for the rest of the night. If you’re late, just go to the buffet.
Conclusion: It’s Just Dinner
By the end of the week, the Main Dining Room was our favorite place on the ship. The fear of judgment was completely unfounded. It wasn’t a stuffy, high-pressure exam; it was a place where we were treated like royalty.
I look back at photos of that last night, my wife laughing over a Warm Chocolate Melting Cake, the sunset glowing through the window behind her, and I’m so glad we didn’t let intimidation keep us away.
Dress decently, be kind to your waiter, and for the love of God, order the second appetizer. You earned it.